A tunnel that was once called useless and is now a lifeline, as important as a friend.
COTA
COTA is,
Dead WITH Alive : 13,849days 21hr 41min.
COTA
One step ahead,
I previewed the sky today.
When the light of a star that has vanished into the distant past reaches our eyes, can we say that the star is dead? Is a tree that produces captivating flowers only worth its weight in spring?
February 5, 2023, one week before grandma left. I flew over Tokyo for a preview of the city. Even in this seemingly chaotic city, there is no part of the history missing, no matter where you cut it off.
Peace that says, “No Peace”.
Don’t do the piece.
This was the only request my grandfather, who loved the camera, ever made of me. He said, “You don’t usually pose for a picture, do you? It has a strong meaning, so it’s superfluous. Thanks to his efforts, all the data left behind are just a snapshot of everyday life.
All the images begin at my grandparents’ flower house. This is where you see Grandpa fussing over me as a young child and the grandmother in this story.
As you can see in this picture, I was being raised in a flower house earlier than I was going to my parents’ house.
As you may be able to tell from the video, at the moment of birth I suffer an eye injury and go blind in my left eye, and before the age of two I will have a prosthesis (artificial eye) put in, but please forgive me if some of the video up to that point is not very good for your viewing pleasure.
Anyway, right after the birth, after an emergency transfer to the university hospital, he was to be raised for a while at the Flower House.
A total of 13,849 days, 21 hours, and 41 minutes of time with Grandma had begun!
Video recording (vlogging) began with the first VHS-integrated camera released by Panasonic in Japan. Weighing 2.5 kg, the VHS camera had to be carried on a tripod or on the shoulder.
それまでのカメラ
In the earlier days, video cameras had a separate deck that held the recording tape and a separate camera. The VHS tape became popular around the world when it was released by JVC in 1976.
Grandpa is the first to pick up the video camera introduced at his parents’ house and begin recording. The video camera captures him in action.
From the time he was born, when he was not even sitting on his head, he commuted from Hana’s house to his parents’ house in COTA every week, sometimes every few days, taking two hours each way.
Many times, relatives around him asked him why COTA came to his grandparents’ house (Hana no Ie) so often. Grandpa and grandma both said that they only came because they wanted to, but I don’t think they could have been happier about it. That reached me even as a child.
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Love and Beloved
“I like people who like people who like people.”
Grandma said that she was just happy when she was in her 60s or so. Grandpa’s love of cameras accelerated the number of trips he took, and COTA took him on trips every weekend at the most.
I was quiet. I was so quiet that I felt a little sick myself when I was watching the video back. I could see her squirming as a baby, but I couldn’t find her screaming.
It was not by chance that the remaining images were so, but from my own experience, for example, when I was about five years old, I remember that when I was riding the limited express train (Azusa) to Nagano, the businessman in front of me gave me a lot of candy because I was so docile.
When I went to Izu on a bus tour, I remember being worried by the bus guide and praised by the monks when I was sitting alone listening to a monk at a temple while children ran around me.
Grandma hated noisy things, so I think this was a big advantage for her. Grandpa was also not good at scolding her or telling her off strongly, so when he took her to the river, for example, he would say, “Don’t go any further, it’s dangerous,” and COTA would always obey what he said.
However, there were times when even Grandpa himself was taken aback by his strong belief that he would follow Grandpa’s orders to the letter, a belief that she did not know where it came from. One time, on the way home from an outing with Grandpa, I was so determined to deliver sweets as a souvenir for Grandma that I never refused to leave the train even at the end of the day around Hana’s house, which did not even have a convenience store.
She was in love to the end.
It is a bit complicated in a profound way, but it seems that Grandma valued “COTA that Grandpa liked” and Grandpa valued “COTA that takes care of Grandma”.
I don’t remember being scolded by my grandmother as a child. However, the year after Grandpa passed away, there was a big change in my life. At that time, I was unable to behave well with my grandfather and myself. There was a time when grandma saw this attitude and said, “I feel frustrated with the current COTA that doesn’t think about grandpa. I was shocked to hear her say what she wanted for the first time, and at the same time, I realized that she really felt that much for Grandpa, even though she usually spoke so ill of her. I was once moved before he was so distraught.
The house where Grandma was born and raised was almost across the field from Grandpa’s house. Originally, grandma was a bit of a lady of the house. However, soon after she was born, she became a single mother due to a series of unfortunate events in the family, and her brother also died of pneumonia. Then all at once, life became poor and difficult. She remembers discrimination due to pneumonia, no electricity at night, and studying with the brightness of the moon reflected in the snow.
It was Grandpa who added his strength at such times. He was trained in farm work, harvesting crops and carrying a large cart full of vegetables dozens of kilometers away and back every day, strapped to a bicycle. On the side, He was helping my grandmother’s mother. At first, grandma’s mother liked her devoted grandfather more than grandma herself.
In between working in the fields, Grandpa probably consulted with his siblings, cleared his schedule, and then met up with Grandma to go to the meeting place.
Their main dates were walking to see flowers and, in autumn, picking chestnuts. They would go dressed up in kimonos. They would ride a steam locomotive to Takao on what is now the Chuo Line. I have heard a story about an angry grandmother who got into a fight on the way and returned home alone after boarding a freight car on the Chuo Line. It is hard to imagine now, but the driver of the freight car said yes.
Grandpa, on the other hand, would never pick a fight with another person. The reason for this is probably because of his character of not being clear when making decisions. Even in front of my grandfather, I always told him, “I don’t like the way you don’t speak clearly,” and he could only laugh at me.
The expressions of goodwill that Grandpa shows to Grandma are difficult for others to understand. For example, in one of my stories from 2016, I brought my grandma an old newspaper for her birthday. One example would be that she was happy and smiling in front of me, even though she was slow to react on her own birthday.
Another thing. Before he died, Grandpa said, “I would like to listen to Nirincho before I die or when I am in the casket. This is a song by Mitsuko Nakamura.
This song depicts two people cuddling together, and as the lyrics say, this must have been what they wanted to convey: “someone who gives us the strength to live.
way of saying
“Why?”
I believe that there are different ways to raise a child/person, but the way my grandmother raised me was also straight as her character.
In the first place, grandma didn’t change her position when it came to “raising her children” and “learning herself”. From the time I was a baby until a month before she left, I was always asking, “Why? Why?” from the time I was a baby until a month before she left.
Generally speaking, “Why?” is a word I feel children often ask their parents. Ever since I was a child, when I did something, I would ask, “Why? Why? I naturally developed the ability to think. My grandfather taught me how to play in the river, on the beach, catch insects, climb trees, and play by myself, and even though I never once got angry with him in this way, he nurtured the mind I have today. The ability to explain, the reason why I am the way I am, and the ability to be objective while working alone are very important treasures in my work of expression.
After Grandpa passed away in 2017, Grandma lived alone at the Flower House; people around her were surprised to see her living alone over 90, but she could not hide her gradual decline, and in 2020, when the new coronavirus infection spread and she had to decide what to do with the future, the time The time had come.
My grandmother mentioned that she wanted to go into an institution. I was not surprised. And at the same time, I knew she didn’t mean it at all. I just can’t allow anyone to bother me in my grandmother’s mind. Ever since I was a child, I would ask, “Do I smell? Don’t I feel dirty?” She would say, “Like in the old days, when I get old and out of the way, I’ll just throw it away in the mountains,” so I guess wanting to go to an institution is another one of her true feelings. I finally convinced him to come to my parents’ house after days of persuading him from various directions that it would be all right because the people around him were welcoming him.
She doesn’t want to bother everyone.
“I’m happy to go to the hospital.”
After coming to my parents’ house, we spent every weekend drawing, doing crafts, and telling stories. Then, in early January 2023, he was hospitalized for the last time with a fever that wouldn’t stop. Worried that she was having trouble breathing, I looked at her bed and asked, “Are you okay? He was suddenly slapped on the hand as hard as he could. It was a message to me not to show him how weak I was. After Grandpa’s death, when I expressed my weakness, he said, “COTA, don’t come to my house (Hana’s house) anymore. I hate your weak appearance!” I remember that he rejected me.
Anyway, Grandma said she was glad to go to the hospital. I wanted to be with her for the last time, and that was the exact opposite of what I wanted. She had not changed her mind the last time she left the hospital, saying that she did not want her children and grandchildren to see her dirty mess in the bathroom, so I guess she really wanted to go to the hospital. On the day of his hospitalization, he said he greeted each person at the hospital, saying, “Thank you for taking care of me,” and walked into the hospital. He said that the people around him were overwhelmed by the fact that he appeared to be lying about his high fever, which should have been unbearable.
I couldn’t do anything. And now grandma was already in the hospital with no time to stop her. The coronary disaster would not allow any visitation, not even for a few seconds. All that remained was to wait for news of her misfortune. On the way home from the convenience store I had stopped at so apathetically, I was crying with a plastic bag in my hand as the winter wind caressed my neck.
I was told that the last treatment would be central venous nutrition. Frankly, if I couldn’t see my grandmother, I would do anything as long as it wasn’t painful. A few days passed.
I was contacted on short notice.
First and last indulgence.
“I want to go home.”
She said, “I want to go home.” She apologized to the doctors at the hospital and appealed to them.
The hospital was very accommodating, as my grandma had been there twice. We would do coloring books and math together, and she seemed to have some sense of her grandmother’s heart. That’s when she asked, “Are you sure you don’t want to go home?” I guess that’s when she started talking to her grandmother.
For the first time, Grandma could say that she spoiled others.
Last discharge from the hospital
Before his last hospitalization, he gave me a “last New Year’s gift”. He told me that I should go on a trip in the spring. He laughed when I told him that it would be nice if we could view cherry blossoms together. I want to make that wish come true as soon as possible. I wanted to decorate my grandmother’s room and my former room with cherry blossoms and flowers.
February 9
Discharged from the hospital. She repeatedly said “I’m so happy” and “I’m so happy” as she held my hand. He was also concerned about the toilet problem, which he did not want to cause trouble to those around him or show his disgraceful appearance, but finally he did not make a mess until the very end.
February 10
She sleeps about 4 hours and wakes up less than 10 minutes repeatedly. When she talks slowly, she says she sees a “bright world. Generally speaking, this would be classified as delirium, but it is interesting because it is so clear.
When she was hospitalized a few years ago, she told me that she had a dream that she could not leave the village where she was born. As mentioned above, Grandpa and Grandma were almost next door neighbors to each other, but as a village they were different. So at that time, I told him, “Maybe Grandpa told me not to come and maybe it was something else. This time it seems to be a little different.
February 11
I sit in front of the bed in the morning, but Grandma sleeps all the time. I brushed her teeth when she woke up at night.
February 12, 2023
On this particular morning, my grandmother was having her body washed clean with a caregiver. It must have been about 30 minutes after everything was washed and cleaned. In the warm sunlight, I realized that he had departed. It was the ideal way for him to end his life. It was a touching sight.
Gassho. And,
A round of applause for Grandma.
コメント（これまでに手向けられたお花）
通りすがりの者ですが、献花させてください。
北海道
00歳
ちひろさま
おばあちゃん。おじいちゃん。すち♡(՞ ܸ. .ܸ ՞)
青森県
15歳
みやちさま
感謝を込めて。
東京都
18歳
りなぴ。さま
だいすき
青森県
15歳
みやさま
コメントする（花を手向ける）
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Thank you to those who knew my grandmother.
My grandmother, whom I talk about in the videos and on the website, has departed.
This is just a story about a couple. Their way of life will surely bring peace to someone’s heart, which is why we have talked about it in videos and on our website in the past, even before their deaths.
My grandmother was loved by those around her, despite being told that she had an unusual way of dealing with others. I felt that this came from her philosophy that life is supposed to go wrong, as she was born before the war and had a single mother’s environment and experiences of poverty
Nowadays, people interact and information comes and goes, so it is a completely different era from the past. But that’s why I thought that as the same human being, I had something to offer as a hint, so I created this place to pray for the happiness of everyone who is involved with me, while making a memorial service here for my grandfather, who I loved, and my grandmother, who cherished me.
